his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize