i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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