Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The uberlube is also flammable
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
