I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
