i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woke up backwards on a recliner
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
