playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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