Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
