We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My liver just had a heart attack.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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