SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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