Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Randomize
