Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
