he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
