The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My penis needs a shock collar
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
