What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
