I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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