told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
