Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
