I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize