my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
