You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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