I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
