I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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