Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize