her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Are we still banned from the library?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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