P.S. I can't hear my feet
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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