I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
