Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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