I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
