Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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