Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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