Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
