You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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