dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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