My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
