just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
