That's intense
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
