Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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