through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
