from now on my penis is your penis
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize