Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize