And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
