Dual....:-)
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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