New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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