Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Randomize
