So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
