Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
