the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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