I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
