I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
