Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
