she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dick very happy bro
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
