saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
