I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i think i just lost a toe
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
