i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
