Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm just crazy horny about you
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
