I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
