I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
did you just send me my own nude
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
