I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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