I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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