dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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