i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
