He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
