we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
