Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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