last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
