I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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