she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
