Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
