I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
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