absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
