people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
